Friday, January 28, 2011
Awesome Force Part 1: Snowmen!!!!!
It's a little known fact that back in the day the snowmen ruled the planet. Incapable of self replicating they enlsaved all the children of the world to roll snow all day and make more snowmen. In this way, the snowmen multiplied to gargantuan numbers.
Without a true leader, chaos draped the world as snowmen ran in packs, called Avalanches, trying to stave off the thaw of sunny days. Snowman politics dictates that the biggest snowman is the best. Children are short, and when you don't feed them they refuse to grow. The first snowmen were all only a few feet tall.
Glittercheeks Snowfrost was a wee little snowman. Smallest in stature of his Avalanche, Glittercheeks was most ambitious. Understudy to his Avalanche's doctor, for snowmen had doctors too, Glittercheeks assisted in the first Snowman Transplant.
Dr. Sparklenose Sunfluff worked tirelessly to save dying snowmen who started to thaw. The procedure he invented was easy. Get the children to roll a ball of snow equal in size to the part of the snowman that was melting. Then a group of snowmen would just shuffle the segments around until the snowman was complete again.
Perhaps this wasn't a difficult solution, but you have to remember snowmen don't have brains. And yet, the head kept the snowman alive. You could transplant one or two segments, but if the head goes it's lights out for the snowman.
Glittercheeks realized the brilliance of Dr. Sunfluff's methods but felt it wasn't being utililyzed to maximum capacity. Something was missing. Some tap of advancement that had yet to be opened. Something that could make Glittercheeks the most powerful snowman of all.
One day while observing some children build a snowman, Glittercheeks noticed a group huddled together. Since public gathering by children was forbidden, he set out to disrupt the party and punish whomever was at the center of it.
As he approached, he realized they were whispering. Quietly he made his way to the group listening to them discuss how to fix the snowman. With two segments complete the problem was the order of arrangement. The middle segment had been made too big for the bottom segment. One of the older girls finally said to switch the order by putting the largest segment on the bottom and moving the bottom segment to the middle.
Glittercheeks realized that you didn't have to wait for melting to replace a segment. One could switch segments out at will. This was the equivalent to snowman cosmetic surgery. With this knowledge Glittercheeks set out to become the greatest snowman to ever roll the Earth.
Through a very boring and arduous process Glittercheeks devised a plan to take a small group of children with him to a distant location. To keep the story short, Glittercheeks successfully formed into a megasnowman by way of Nathaniel Wilburn. Young Wilburn was a genious with IQ of ***. For legal reasons, I'm not allowed to disclose. But let's say it was between 150 and 200.
With Wilburn's help Glittercheeks recieved two new lower segments and was able to roll his head in snow to make it bigger. The process revolved around Wilburn's knowledge of pulleys, ramps, and general mechanical science. Fastening arms out of entire tree brances, Glittercheeks was a new snowman.
He returned and took command of his Avalanche. It seemed as though Winter would never end.
Awesome Force 2: The Great Snowman War of They Didn't Use Numbers For Years, Yet!!! -->
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I can't wait for the 2nd part -sylvia
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