Level Up!!!!!

A very special congratulatory message for Sylvia. Since you have officially reached level 16, AWESOME!!!!!! Complete with a haircut at that. It's like the evolution of Awesome. What new tricks will you come up with this year? Don't tell us, even if you know. Surprises are always a good thing. From you. Hoooray!


(The lameness of this post has to do completely with the fact that I am old and drained of energy. It has nothing to do with a lack of enthusiasm for you leveling up. Rock on Sylvanicus. Rock ON!!!!!)

Awesome Force 2: The Great Snowman War of They Didn't Use Numbers For Years, Yet!!!

One Converse in front the other, Sylvia made her way through the snow. Her skinny jeans were soaking up melted snow and making a trail up the pant legs. How her fleece kept her warm, only Sylvia knows, but it did. Awesome bands on either wrist (to help soak up the awesome, duh) helped keep her wrists warm and the blood flowing towards her fingers.

Thumbs were moving a mile a minute as she was typing upon her LG Ally. Whatever it was she was writing, it must have been important because she couldn't hear the commotion all about her.

Snowmen were yelling at the children to move faster and get to the field where they would produce more snowmen. Oblivious to the noise for she had Bring Me The Horizon blaring on her Ipod, Sylvia took her time, unaware she was walking in the general direction of the crowd. She had simply gone out for a walk to clear her mind. She had no idea that she had just been captured by the snowmen.

"What's wrong with you? You hard of hearing or do you want to suffer at the hands of Lord Glittercheeks!", screamed a snowman at Sylvia. She replied with a yeah, ok, before looking up and saying, "Wait, what?"

All around her were children being pelted with snowballs. Snowballs are the snowman's primary weapon. Say what you will about them being ineffective, but twenty to the face and you'll do anything to stop the cold burn. And don't forget, the snowmen were particularly cruel. They'd cover ice in snow and toss it at you.

As she walked on looking all about her, Sylvia realized that things were bad and about to get worse. What she needed was a plan, but Awesome can't be rushed. Her biggest regret, she didn't bring gloves.

Wham! An iceball covered in snow smacked Sylvia straight across the face. Stunned, she wiped the ice and snow from off her face before bending over and picking up her LG Ally and Ipod. Both had been jarred from her person as the force of impact spun her around. "Who the hell just threw that?" asked Sylvia as she turned to the facing crowd.

Children had stopped walking around her waiting to see what would happen next. Snowmen started to move in with more iceballs covered in snow in their branches for hands.

"I threw it! Stupid child! There's more of that waiting for you if you don't hurry up to the field and make snowmen!" cried the nefarious snowman who had thrown the iceball covered in snow.

Pushing through the crowd Sylvia made her way over to the snowman. Being shorter than she was, Sylvia leaned over to the snowman and asked, "Why would you do that? It hurts. Jerk. Ass-face."

A collective gasp released from the crowd of children and snowmen alike, at once and in unison. The nefarious snowman's eyes blazed with anger as he stared Sylvia down. Sylvia, who stood calm and cool as ever, as though nothing more than slightly annoying had even happened, just cleared her throat with two quick and silent coughs.

A branch for hand swung in the air and smacked her across the face. "What the hell?  How do you like it?" asked Sylvia and she slapped the snowman. Angry at the infidelity of the child that should be cowering in fear, the nefarious snowman decided to try and make an example out of her. He ordered for more snowmen to come over and grab a hold of Sylvia. They did.

Sylvia did the only thing she could do. Drop to the ground and spin so that she would slither out of their collective grasp. This infurated the snowmen, who had falled down with her, because snowmen can't get up easily once they've been knocked down.

"CRUSH THEIR HEADS!" cried out a scared little girl. Sylvia thought about this for a few minutes. Seriously, snowmen have a hard time getting up. Then she decided to start squashing snowman noggins. She killed five of them before they even knew what was happening.

General panic started to fill the snowmen in the field. Children started cheering as they realized that Sylvia might be able to free them from the Snowmen at long last. A few brave snowmen tried to attack her, but she lifted up those long legs and kicked out at their heads, crushing the ones that hadn't been damaged enough by the fall.

At this point the children started to try and push the snowmen towards Sylvia so that she could annihilate them one by one. All exept one. Nathaniel Wilburn was doing his due diligence to make his way out of the crowd unnoticed. In exchange for hidden freedom that the other children didn't know about, Nathaniel became Glittercheeks' spy. He was most loyal to Glittercheeks who punished anyone that picked on Nathaniel.

Nathaniel had two functions for Glittercheeks. One was that he intercepted messages about children trying to revolt and passed the information on to Glittercheeks who would quell the revolt before it could take place. The other was to keep an eye out for other snowmen that might challenge Glittercheeks for control of all Snowmanity. But here was a tall child who was willing to lead a revolt. Nathaniel knew that he had to make his way to Glittercheeks, and so he ran through the snow as fast as his little feet would let him.

Sylvia stood back in the snow surrounded by cheering children and frantic snowmen. The snowmen were moving away quickly and in a panic. As some fell, the children next to them would squash their heads. Assuming the whole matter was over, Sylvia put her headphones back on, blared Bring Me The Horizon and made her way towards a thicket of woods.

 

Awesome Force Part 3 Teaser: The Callithumpian Cometh! --> 

<--Awesome Force Part 1: Snowmen!!!!!

When Awesome Gets Sick.

Even Awesome gets sick. Unfortunaetely, Sylvia is a bit sick these days. We here at Bring Me The Sylvia are sending out our wishes that she gets better A.S.A.P. Honestly, how are random concerts going to break out if she is bed ridden? Who will make loads upon loads of awesomeness? And who will rush to her side to help her feel better and be a power friend? It could be you. Get on it.

So, Sylvia, what you see above is Akamu Konani. He's the Awesome Hawaiian Whale Immune System Fairy. Those birds carrying him are his posse. They're on their way to you to help boost your immune system. He calls them Vitamin Seas. I think, I can't understand what he says. So feel better, like now.

The Fifteen Fathoms Aquarium!

It is with great honor and pleasure that we here at Bring Me The Sylvia officially dedicate the cyber-aquarium to none other than Syliva herself. Yesteray was Valentine's Day, or make up for treating your loved one like dirt the rest of the year day. Today, is Fifteen Fathoms Day!

In honor of Sylvia and her general Awesomenity, the Fifteen Fathoms Cyber-Aquarium has been fitted with black water, and five cyber-fish. The fish are Oli Pykes (white), Eel Malia (green), Seamat Kean (blue), Matt Mackerels (yellow), and Piranha Weinhofen (red).

Feed the fish at your discretion for they can never eat too much. Do so with the thought of how awesome Sylvia is. May you have a very happy Fifteen Fathoms Day!

Sylvia Rocks Awesome!!!!!!

Sylvia decided to go down to The Webster Theater, and an Escape the Fate concert broke out. Who knew?
But Sylvia rocked with an aura of Awesome that not only wrangled the mosh pit, but withstood the Wall of Death. If you don't know what a Wall of Death is, you lose. Next time be there, fool!

Awesome angle!!!!!

Craig Mabbit says hi.

TJ Awesome? I didn't catch his whole name. But he's the stand-in bassist.

Robert Ortiz!!!!!!! Doing his best Animal impression.

And the sickest guy there: Bryan "Monte" Money. His guitaring is album quality. At a concert that's good.

If you missed it, tough. Follow Sylvia around. You never know when another one might just happen again.


For more details check out survivingthegoldenage.com

It's Been a Few Days

But Sylvia is still more awesome than the picture taken when Darth Vader met Elvis Presley. How awesome is that?  This awesome. But Sylvia is still more awesome.

Sylvia Makes Awesomeness!!!!

Earlier this week I celebrated something. To do her part in celebrating that something Sylvia made me a power bracelet.

On the front side, or what I will deem the front side, is a soccer ball. Look.

On the back side is a basketball. Look and see.

And there you have it. It's all about sports. Yet, it's still totally awesome.

Snow

Most people aren't aware that snow is just crystalized awesome that falls from the sky. It cancels school. Think about it. It can have its down side. The last person to blame Sylvia for all the snow woke up to this. Don't tempt her. Evil can be Nice. But Nice can be Diabolical.

I Warned Everyone

I told you via PSA that trying to invent awesomeness doesn't work. You didn't listen. Now Sylvia will mock you. Do you feel the mocking? Aw yeah. You feel the mocking.

13 Days!

13 Days until the aquarium gets cristened. Be there or be square.

Bring Me The Sylvia PSA

Some people may be jealous of Sylvia and her awesomeness. They, too, want awesome abilities. Science may provide one with an opportunity to create pseudo-awesomeness, but it just isn't the same. Look at the fishbowl helmet. Don't be the fishbowl helmet. You're better than that.

14 Days!!!

14 Days until we dedicate the 15 Fathoms aquarium to noneother than Sylvia herself. Be there, or miss out.

Aquatic Mammal High Five

Fist bumps with Sylvia are like Aquatic Mammal High Fives. They explode from nowhere and are totally Awesome!!!! Also, one or both parties fall in water. Awesome has a balance issue.

When Sylvia Has An Idea

When Sylvia has an idea everybody knows. It looks like this. Feel the thunder.

Sylvia Says!

Sylvia says relax and have some fun. Sometimes life can be hard. Somtimes life can be very hard. But that doesn't mean you have to let it get to you. Just take a look at a day in the life of Sylvia's Awesome Force compatriot Kirby. He's got it tough, but he still brings the peanut butter jelly.

I mean, really. When was the last time you got punched by a gorilla?

Bring Me the Sylvia PSA

Everyone knows that Sylvia can do all kinds of awesomeness with her hands. That stuff includes knitting. While we all can't do stuff as awesome as Sylvia, we can still learn to do some useful stuff. Learning, it's today's PSA because "the only things you're BORN knowing how to do are taking a s#!t and complaining".

So, do yourself a favor. Go learn something. And oh yeah, do this.

Bring Me The Sylvia PSA

Sylvia would like everyone to know that when it comes to Spiderman "everybody gets one". If you don't believe her, shame on you. Peter Griffin knows. And what Peter Griffin knows is awesome, like Sylvia.

Awesome Force Part 1: Snowmen!!!!!

It's a little known fact that back in the day the snowmen ruled the planet. Incapable of self replicating they enlsaved all the children of the world to roll snow all day and make more snowmen. In this way, the snowmen multiplied to gargantuan numbers.

Without a true leader, chaos draped the world as snowmen ran in packs, called Avalanches,  trying to stave off the thaw of sunny days. Snowman politics dictates that the biggest snowman is the best. Children are short, and when you don't feed them they refuse to grow. The first snowmen were all only a few feet tall.

Glittercheeks Snowfrost was a wee little snowman. Smallest in stature of his Avalanche, Glittercheeks was most ambitious. Understudy to his Avalanche's doctor, for snowmen had doctors too, Glittercheeks assisted in the first Snowman Transplant.

Dr. Sparklenose Sunfluff worked tirelessly to save dying snowmen who started to thaw. The procedure he invented was easy. Get the children to roll a ball of snow equal in size to the part of the snowman that was melting. Then a group of snowmen would just shuffle the segments around until the snowman was complete again.

Perhaps this wasn't a difficult solution, but you have to remember snowmen don't have brains. And yet, the head kept the snowman alive. You could transplant one or two segments, but if the head goes it's lights out for the snowman.

Glittercheeks realized the brilliance of Dr. Sunfluff's methods but felt it wasn't being utililyzed to maximum capacity. Something was missing. Some tap of advancement that had yet to be opened. Something that could make Glittercheeks the most powerful snowman of all.

One day while observing some children build a snowman, Glittercheeks noticed a group huddled together. Since public gathering by children was forbidden, he set out to disrupt the party and punish whomever was at the center of it.

As he approached, he realized they were whispering. Quietly he made his way to the group listening to them discuss how to fix the snowman. With two segments complete the problem was the order of arrangement. The middle segment had been made too big for the bottom segment. One of the older girls finally said to switch the order by putting the largest segment on the bottom and moving the bottom segment to the middle.

Glittercheeks realized that you didn't have to wait for melting to replace a segment. One could switch segments out at will. This was the equivalent to snowman cosmetic surgery. With this knowledge Glittercheeks set out to become the greatest snowman to ever roll the Earth.

Through a very boring and arduous process Glittercheeks devised a plan to take a small group of children with him to a distant location. To keep the story short, Glittercheeks successfully formed into a megasnowman by way of Nathaniel Wilburn. Young Wilburn was a genious with IQ of ***.  For legal reasons, I'm not allowed to disclose. But let's say it was between 150 and 200.

With Wilburn's help Glittercheeks recieved two new lower segments and was able to roll his head in snow to make it bigger. The process revolved around Wilburn's knowledge of pulleys, ramps, and general mechanical science. Fastening arms out of entire tree brances, Glittercheeks was a new snowman.

He returned and took command of his Avalanche. It seemed as though Winter would never end.

Awesome Force 2: The Great Snowman War of They Didn't Use Numbers For Years, Yet!!! -->

Awesome Force!!!!!

Back in the day there was a group of Super Heros with Super Powers who called themselves the Super Friends. That was nothing but Super Redundant.

Not to be outdone, Sylvia has decided to start her own Super Group. Awesome Force is reserved for those with Awesome powers just like Sylvia. Don't fret mere mortals, you still have a chance to be a Power Friend. But sometimes the world needs more than a Power Friend.

Sylvia's first Awesome Force friend is none other than Mr. Habachi Vacuum Cleaner himself. That's right, it's Kirby.

Stay tuned for the adventures of Awesome Force. Like the story of how Sylvia met Kirby himself.

Instrumentalism

Sylvia's preferred method of travel is the car. Unfortunately, she doesn't have one. What she does have is plenty of carbon, in the form of CO2. What Sylvia has plenty of she likes to share with others. What better way to do this than to pick up the flute?

That's right, when not making awesome or saying awesome, she plays awesome. Sylvia is a flutist, or flautist if you want to get fancy. That requires her to blow air across an opening and do some fancy work with her fingers. This resembles hyperventilation. How doesn't she pass out? That's like asking how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. The World may never know.

I do know this, Sylvia's Awesome lungs are comparable but opposite to Kirby's. In fact, if she wanted to she could blow down a house of bricks. But Sylvia likes pigs, so she'd never do that. Still, be mindful and stay on her good side. Or else.

Fact!

Fact: Sylvia has never been attacked by a shark.

Sylvia ran into Shark-Human ambassador Jabberjaw while shopping for Converse. That's right, sharks wear Converse, too. As a result of the friendship that became, no shark will ever attack Sylvia on land, sea, air, or even space. She never fears the Pool Shark. So when you go swimming, take Sylvia.

The Sharkbear, however, is a different story.

President Awesome!

Sometimes grown ups like to be mean to other grown ups. Take the case of President Obama. He gets blamed for a lot of stuff, like trying to fix Health Care or saying that Teachers are the people who most affect students. Well, the name Obama has been run through the mud enough. Says who? Sylvia!

She's not allowed to vote because if she did her one vote would count as an automatic win. But she throws her support behind you know who. And she's got a message to America:


By her decreee, President Obama's new name is President Awesome!!!!!!!!

OMG!!!!!!

The Sylvia has visited our site and left comments!!!!! Today is a day of celebration. And snow. We hope Sylvia likes snow. But probably not, because it's already ruined her school year. She has like three months of extra school because of Winter. BOOO!!!!!!

But on the bright side, Sylvia was here!

We just inked a little. ;)

How Sylvia Makes Awesomeness!

People always ask how Sylvia makes so much Awesomeness. The answer should be evident. It's her Awesome Hands!!!!

Power Friends! Oh Hell Yes!

Yesterday we learned all about how The Awesome Scale is balanced. It has all to do with Goldi or Evil Sylvia. But little do we know that even Evil can be Nice.

The Sylvia lives in the colder climate of New England. Winters can be nasty there. The Sylvia didn't have a proper winter coat, so Goldi gave Sylvia her's.  Now that's what we call Serious Frienditude. For that, we can't help but give a giant shout out to Goldi.

You're today's Power Friend!!!!! Oh Hell Yes!!!!!

(P.S. We already said yesterday how you're awesome, so it's implied again today.)

Balancing The Awesome Scale

Much like The Force, Awesomeness has two sides. On the one side you have Good Awesome and on the other Evil Awesome. The Sylvia is Good Awesome, otherwise known as The Golda. Her counterpart is The Evil Sylvia, known as  The Goldi.

The two co-exist only because one without the other one would be so Awesome that the Awesomeness would consume her. The entire balance of the universe rests on both Sylvia being friends. Should one turn on the other, let's just say things would get crazy.

Therefore, both The Goldi and The Golda are equally Awesome. Only difference between the two, The Goldi's Awesome usually requires Aloe Vera to heal the burning.

And that's how the Awesome Scale is balanced.

Power Friends! Oh Hell Yes!

From time to time, we here at Bring Me The Sylvia would like to take a moment and appreciate Sylvia's friends. This is a segment I like to call "Power Friends! Oh Hell Yes!".

Our first Power Friend is Vicky ♥ (notice the heart). Vicky ♥, we know so little about you, but in Sylvia's eyes, you Rock like cooled Magma. We know this, because she's shared her Awesomeness with you in this token of Frienditude.

That's right, its a cupcake Kandy bracelet! Go forth Vicky ♥ with the knowledge that Sylvia thinks you're awesome, too.

From everyone here at Bring Me The Sylvia, congratulations Vicky ♥. You're a Power Friend today. Oh Hell Yes!!!!!!!

The Insect World Has Its Own Sylvia

In the bug world, Sylvia appears as the Pathernos sylvia lilacinus (Blue Clipper Butterfly). But we call it the Awesome Butterfly.

Anatomy of The Sylvia

Much like the Unicorn, Sylvia is made up of 15 things. They are, in no particular order:

1)Magic
2)Dreams
3)Wishes
4)Giggles
5)Smiles
6)Rainbows
7)Stars
8)Happiness
9)Kisses
10)Love
11)Sunshine
12)Surprises
13)Hugs
14)Hope
15)The only difference between Unicorns and Sylvia is the Superglue. Instead, Sylvia's final ingrediant is AWESOMENESS!

If Sylvia Had a Farm

It would glow in the dark, like this. And the animals would glow like this as well.

Sylvia Makes Awesomeness To The 3rd Degree

From time to time Sylvia likes to take the internal flame of awesomeness that burns in her heart
and forge artifacts of awesomeness to share with her friends and family. See, the language of
Sylvia's awesomeness is one of a  Zen master in complete silent thought. Words, to Sylvia, are
things to be mumbled so that the listener can determine what they want to hear. From this, Sylvia
judges a person's heart good or bad. She's the last Jedi, EVER.

Sylvia graced me with three artifacts of awesomeness that all show her evolution through
awesomenimity. First and foremost she made me The Friendship Bracelet. Primitive in design and
idea, the bracelet holds a deeper purpose. The weaving of individual strands of thread unite to
show how through her awesomeness of acceptance, we are woven into one unit of friendship. Surely
there are other friendship bracelets out there, but each is as unique as the friendship Sylvia
awesomely shares with that person.

Next came The Mini-Gir. Everyone should know by now that some of Sylvia's favorite myths are the
legends of Invader Zim. And the true hero of any Invader Zim episode is GIR. Upon
completion of a mighty GIR doll that comes with its own dog suit, Sylvia set out to make me my
very own GIR doll. Small in stature, it carries a mighty awesomeness from Sylvia. Put together
from scraplings of the original doll, The Mini-Gir stands for "I miss you cupcake."

The third artifact was the most personal for me. After quizzing me until I had succumbed to her
awesomenimity, she learned that my favorite animal (or power animal if you will) is the żubr (bison). She knit me a white żubr that I've named Kuba. His arms are packed with so much
awesomeness that it looks like he's on awesome steroids. Sylvia wants you to know in your
subconcious that she packs a mighty punch.

The beauty of these artifacts is that they are so awesome they combine to form an artifact that
only Sylvia could dream up of. The Voltron-like being is called The Żugir! All one can do is bask
in its awesomeness.

Look for more Sylvia Makes Awesomeness in the future.

Bring Me The Sylvia Launch

Welcome to everyone who wants to celebrate the awesomeness that is Sylvia. Let's face it, she owns the awesome dimension. What with the awesomeness she makes, the awesomeness she says (Why is there always a dead guy in the bathroom?), and her general awesomenimity she is a being to be revered, feared, and generally made a fuss over.

That is why we here at Bring Me The Sylvia will be doing our darndest to show her the world is a little softer while she steps upon it, the sky a little brighter whilst she shines, and the burns so much more scalding when she finely let's loose that Vegan coated tongue of doom!

In the coming days we will begin building our library of tribute to the living legend herself. Complete with the official dedication of the Fifteen Fathoms aquarium.

I ask that any and all fans sign up on the followers gadget so that Sylvia can know we're all here for her. In the future we will be accepting fan mail for Sylvia so that the fans of Sylvia can declare their fandom of her in verse, sculpting, photography, painting, drawing, song, dance, and even total silence. Because sometimes just the mere thought of her shuts your brain down as you realize you can never be...The Sylvia.

Enjoy!